An article worth reading for anyone dealing with kids or former kids: How Not to Talk to Your Kids. The Inverse Power of Praise. Very simple experiments with highly surprising results. I'd like to read more about this topic, but, for now, I'm keeping this quote from Carol Dweck
"(when praising kids) emphasizing effort gives a child a variable that they can control. They come to see themselves as in control of their success. Emphasizing natural intelligence takes it out of the child's control, and it provides no good recipe for responding to a failure"